Rotten writing. Some really bad analogies (my favs):
The accountant had the world-weary air of a ferret that had been up so many trouser legs that life held no more surprises.
Her new phone was so cool, OMG! so cool like it used to be in the North Pole before those stupid gases melted all the icebergs. John O’Byrne
The winding country lane snaked endlessly ahead like a continuous series of lavatory S bends joined together and laid flat.
The main course was as sinful as if loin chops cut from the Beast of the Apocalypse had been marinated in ambrosia and then flambéed over the fires of Hell itself.
He was as angry as an eight-year-old who spends six hours building a Lego battleship and then his three-year-old sister smashes it to pieces and stomps on it so he whacks her and he gets severely punished. Mae Scanlan
The sea was agitated, like an old man demanding directions in a library as his wife is telling him to put the batteries back in his hearing aid.
He was as dull and uninspired as, I don’t know what. Frank Osen
The arsenal of nuclear missiles stood ready, each one like a mercury-coated sausage full of death.
Wish I'd written that...