How many Bolsheviks does it take to screw in a light bulb?...

From Hammer and Tickle, the history of communism in jokes.

A man dies and it is judgement day. "I am afraid you have not made it to heaven. But you can, as a special favour, have a choice of hells".

"What do you mean, a choice of hells?" "You can go to the capitalist hell or the communist hell".

"Ok, fair enough, but what's the difference between them?" "Well, the capitalist hell has fire and brimstone and torture." "And the communist hell?" "That has brimstone and torture and fire".

"I don't understand. They sound exactly the same. Which should I pick?"

"If I were you I'd choose the communist hell."

"Why should I do that?"

"Well, you know what these socialist places are like. Sometimes there's no fire, sometimes there's no brimstone, sometimes there's no torture........."
[Rimshot]

Try the veal.
Tip your waiter.

[More]