Monday, December 17, 2007

Truly Useful Marriage Advice: Exhibit A...

After 36 or 37 some odd years (I'm pretty sure it was 1971 or so) of marriage, I've got it figured out. And I think it's important for us battle-scarred veterans to share the secrets to achieving that exhausted, sullen stalemate that passes for marital success.

Just kidding! - It's actually whirlwind adventure of passion and excitement that accelerates with every precious passing moment. Sorta.

So here is the first of what I feel will be valuable information scraps - especially for you marriage newbies who haven't yet ritualized your marital habits and behaviors:

Shouldn't we get some gas?

Even with cell phones and self-service stations every quarter-mile, women tend to worry about running out of gas. Shortly after descending past 3/4 , your spouse may lean over every 3 miles of so and make an odd, but disagreeable little noise. And then near hysteria when the FUEL LIGHT IS ON!!!

Men know instinctively that there is always a "reserve" gallon or two to get them where they need to go, and if you don't use the whole tank, what's the point in having one that big to begin with?

Behold, some powerful support for our reasoning: Not only does this seriously nearly-scientific site allow you to look up experiences real men have had in real cars like yours, it contains heart-warming stories of NOT running out of gas for you to share with your anxious mate to address her concerns in a adult and positive manner:
The Accord That Doesn't Quit

I drove my 1990 Accord EX 4dr with about 5 miles from arriving to work when the fuel light came on. I then drove 55 miles from work to within about a few miles of my home and went straight to the gas station. I calculated and it came to be 60 miles with the fuel light on. This took place during the spring in the month of May which was on a day that was 88 degrees! With a 17 gallon tank, my record was for that 471 miles on one tank of gas! However, my record is 509 miles on one tank of gas from Somerset, NJ to Boston, MA and back home with 4 people and luggage! The Accord is the car to have in a gas crisis!
I don't know about you - but that's the kind of story I find riveting!

No thanks are necessary. I just want to help.


Anonymous said...

Yesterday my wife and I celebrated our 29th anniversary. In those 29 years I've trained her not to complain about the vehicle being low on fuel until the guage is below half full. It's a long struggle, but I succeeded.

John Phipps said...


Oh my, I would never, ever use the words "trained" and "wife" in the same sentence.

You do understand the consequences if you ever do run out of gas, don't you?

Anonymous said...

We have been married for 62 yr. Worked on our farm, and in Industry, better pay. But unreliable. I was in the Navy (WW-ll) Went to a Methodist Church. We had 8 children, all mostley normal.Enjoyed seeing Al Pell again, but missed his wheather girl he had on his program. We enjoy your input a lot, Thanks, Walt Steiner (83)